When our children are born, we gaze into their eyes and vow to be the best parent possible. Yet the daily grind and routine can wear us down so that years, if not months later we often are stuck in the mundane. That can lead to big problems with children and tv, as well as other media. Too much media time is an often overlooked cause of major issues for kids and parents.
How much media time your child should consume is an issue that parents grapple with starting from birth. We now know that the Baby Mozart program was ineffective, and that babies were better off interacting with their parents than being exposed to that program. I believe that this is one of the top two or three major issues of our time, and that your child’s success will have a lot to do with how much media you allow them to consume.
Two recent events brought this to my mind again. One was the chance to ask Dr. Edward Hallowell a question about how to best raise high achieving kids. He is the author of numerous books including The Childhood Roots of Adult Happiness, and one of the educators whose work I highly admire. The other event was me reading an article that links depression and other mental health issues with too much gaming when kids are younger.
The question I asked Dr. Hallowell was how do you encourage hobbies and constructive pasttimes in your teen. My 13 year old son recently discovered Dungeons and Dragons. We also are getting much more involved as a family in cross country and downhill skiing on weekends, attending plays and other activities that keep all of us active. Dr. Hallowell’s response was that we need to limit, not eliminate media time, so that our kids have free time that they have to fill. He also advocated exposing them to as many activities as we can so that they find other activities to engage in. So it seems we are on the right track. Our son only gets an hour and a half media time per day, including tv time with family, and as I mentioned, we are getting more active in order to expose him to activities.
When I read the article, I was grateful that we have a handle on our son’s desire to game. He is a bright, responsible, well rounded young man (does sports, drama, etc.), who left to his own devices, would play video games for hours and hours. It is a complaint of his that he gets much less time on electronic games than many of his friends.
I know that it is hard to limit electronic time for many reasons. If no one is home after school, it is hard to monitor. We are all so busy that sometimes it is easier in the moment to have kids occupied, especially when they are younger. They complain when they get less time than their kids to be on electronic media. Yet study after study, parenting expert after parenting expert have said that kids feel more loved and do better with limits.
I know another barrier is that many parents find it hard to find things to do in the evening outside of watching tv or playing on the computer. Hopefully knowing what a powerful role model you are being, and how important it is for your kids to be active, will make it easier to find alternatives to media for some of your free time. I believe that our kids challenge us to be better people, and this is a great example.
On people’s death bed, have you ever heard of anyone saying they wished they had watched more tv, or played more on their computer? It is important to limit not only your child’s media time, but your own, because although media is entertaining, it is not deeply satisfying in the same way as hobbies or spending time with family. Although consuming lots of media is easier, and more pleasant sometimes than having discipline and exercising or starting a project, the easy life in so many ways becomes the hard life.
Do what is difficult, and your life will be relatively easy. You will have health, great relationships and success. Avoid what is difficult and your life will be hard. I am not sure where I first heard that wisdom, and I live by, and have found those words to be true. When I succumb to my desire to do what is easy in the moment, I am a worse parent, and I feel worse about myself in the long run, than when I do what I know to be right, even when it is the harder choice in the moment. Media time is one of those critical choices where to be a great parent, we must be prepared to do the hard thing, so that our children will have an easier, better and more satisfying life.
What is your experience with children and tv, computers and other media? Do you limit your children’s times? A great guideline is 1 hour for kids under 10, and 2 hours a day for kids over 10. For my kids who are teens, I don’t count the time they spend listening to music, which many of us did for hours as teens as well. I’d love to hear what you have found works for your family, or to answer any of your media-related parenting questions.
Great article, especially the last paragraph … profound advice
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My 3 yr old daughter LOVED to watch TV. Since she was a baby it kept her attention. So not only was it too easy to let her, but when I would turn it off she would have a tantrum. I wanted to figure out a way to improve both of our habits but even when I would stick to my guns and only offer a show or two, she would still flip out when I turned it off. It was as if she thought it was going to be on all day. So I designed a picture schedule to show her visually a “tv” then next to that was the next activity like “toy time” or “outside play” or “read books”. Since she could SEE it, she understood it and this time anticipated that the tv watching would end so it wasnt a shock anymore. There NO TANTRUM! I couldn’t believe it. She rolled right on with her day because she could visualize the end. I had to create more for moms in my shoes trying to do the right thing but having it be so difficult. My products are called SchKIDules….schedules for kids. And they are sooooo helpful to support good parenting.
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Jacqueline Green Reply:
March 11th, 2011 at 8:39 pm
Sounds like a fun solution to a problem Kelly! Thanks for your post.
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